For When You’re Feeling Anxious…
Let’s be honest: 2021 is not quiteee the “new year, new world” we were hoping for. The clock striking midnight on January 1st did not cure this year of its heaviness and the world of its turmoil. We are still navigating this pandemic. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but we have not reached it yet. I think 2021 will resemble 2020 in the manner that it will teach us what systems and orders need to collapse, so that we can rebuild an equitable, diverse, solid new order. One with the Aquarian principles of individuality and community. [2020 introduced me to astrology in a newfound way… check out @thecosmicrevolution — my old boss from the Montauk Juice Factory, Madi Murphy is a bad a$$ astrologer who has been GETTING ME THROUGH the madness of this past year by breaking down the planetary energetic transits we’ve been experiencing.]
A little over a week ago, I finally moved out to Los Angeles and began my life as a college student at USC. I am so excited and grateful to be here. (I am also very conscious of being a guest in the community here.) All the excitement in the world, however, could not completely mask my feelings of downright panic at times. I’m, not shockingly, a freshman AGAIN! hiiii, bottom of the totem pole. I feel the awe I once felt walking the halls of my high school as a terrified 9th grader each time I look at the beautiful brick buildings of USC Village. I feel the trembles of anxiety as I gear up to make new friends. I realized that while I tend to look back on making friends in high school with rose-tinted glasses, it wasn’t always easy. Transitional, pivotal experiences rarely are easy.
When I see myself beating myself up and overthinking, I pause and remember: it’s physically impossible to feel anxious and grateful at the same time...
SO, to slip out of an anxiety loop I was cycling through about making new friends at college (FUN FACT: I come off as super confident but I too definitely struggle with making new friends and feeling like I can be my whole self around new people.) after sitting with the feeling and letting it say it’s peace — I didn’t resist the anxiety, I listened to what it was trying to save me from or tell me — and then I reminded myself of ALL that I have to be thankful for.
sure enough, I am already feeling less frazzled & more grounded. I’m choosing to focus on everything that’s unfolding in my favor and all of the wonderful - even if mundane - events that have already taken place in my short time here.
friendships will come. familiarity will come. comfort will come. it’s important to remember your WHY in moments where you feel completely struck with anxiety for one reason or another. my WHY of choosing USC was, in part, LEAVING MY COMFORT ZONE. so yeah, I’m uncomfortable. I feel a little weird... vulnerable, even. I WANTED THAT. because, on the other side of these sometimes-perceived-as-negative emotions is GROWTH. it’s an expanded comfort zone. it’s a broadened horizon.
The goal isn’t to never feel stress, anxiety, or discomfort. The goal is to add new tools to our mental toolbox so that we can ride the rollercoaster of all emotions. THe goal is not to feel numb, but to feel deeply. The goal isn’t to be perfect; The goal is to be present.
&& that, my loves, is what we are HERE FOR! if you’re a little uncomfortable or awkward or unsure right now, I’m right here with ya. learning as we go. never alone, always together.
LOVE AND LIGHT, Fi