Autumn Update
Confessions from a (reformed) Cool Girl
Big Picture: We Love Each Other
A New Story
Fidelity to One’s Self
Being loyal to oneself involves chasing our dreams, which involves actually allowing ourselves to dream big in the first place. Even though we might fail. Even though we might catch some bruises and scrapes and scars along the way. Even though some jackwagons in the cheap seats (or in the fancy boxes) might laugh or throw popcorn at us from time to time. Who cares? They’re not in the arena with you. I hope to dream so big it makes me uncomfortable. That is an ambition bound to make a few others uncomfortable along the way.
Defining Emotional Intelligence: A Journey through two Hearts
Growing Pains: Discovering Wholeheartedness as a CollegE Student
How is a college student to stumble into wholeheartedness? He or she is to embark on a journey to feel and accept the entire spectrum of emotions that exist, instead of parsing out which emotions are convenient or productive. He or she is to welcome a life that permits slowing down as a revolutionary act of self-care. He or she is to tirelessly walk laps around the world while walking a mile in others’ shoes. He or she is to start living from the heart, and not just the mind.
Summer in my rearview mirror
I found this poem I wrote in August when I was cleaning out my room the other day. February felt like a heavy month, as did last August. This piece signified me feeling like I was coming out of a funk, much like how I felt now on this crisp March day: nostalgic & present & wistful & grateful all at the same time.
There is Magic in the Mess
To quote a few passages from Pema Chödrön’s When Things Fall Apart that I read just after journaling the bones of this piece (hello, universe), “We think that if we just meditated enough or jogged enough or ate perfect food, everything would be perfect. But from the point of view of someone who is awake, that’s death. Seeking security or perfection, rejoicing in feeling confirmed and whole, self-contained and comfortable, is some kind of death. We are killing the moment by controlling our experience. Doing this is setting ourselves up for failure, because, sooner or later, we’re going to have an experience we can’t control.”
Mrs. Leandri’s School of Music
I was nervous. Two failed piano teachers down, and I was just about to enter my first lesson with Mrs. Leandri. After painstaking sessions practicing to a metronome at a music school and sitting on a needlepoint embroidered bench that stunk of age at piano teacher #2’s house, I was prepared to give one last go at the instrument I loved.
Mel Robbins’s 5 Second Rule
Today I listened to an awesome podcast from the show School of Greatness featuring Mel Robbins called “The 5 Second Rule to Change Your Life” after my friends Natalia and Cailin feeding me some of her tidbits. They are two of my biggest inspirations, so I got right to listening! As usual, they didn’t steer me wrong. In this post are some key takeaways and tidbits.
Here’s Your Sign Not to Ghost Them
Let’s set the scene: you meet someone while you’re out. You two really hit it off, you’re dancing together, the chemistry is there, and you might have even just experienced a flutter of butterflies. You’re so caught up in the music and each other’s company that you don’t realize the night is closing out. As you two linger and the music volume continues to dim, you figure why not and exit together, hand in hand. You have what you think is the perfect night, just the right ratio of talking and not talking. You walk out the next morning, fitted up in a mix-match of your jeans from the night before and a new oversized hoodie. As you mobile order your Starbucks and hurry home to debrief with your roommate, you can’t help but hope the night before was the start of something special.
Father Knows Best
In my family, we do not use the term “strategizing” when we refer to careful life-planning. The kind of methodical preparation and contemplation that precursors important decision-making is lovingly named “dad-egizing.” There’s no scientific research supporting this claim, but I am fairly certain that my dad is always right (as annoying as that can be). My attending college nearly 3000 miles away from him has changed the nature of our conferences, and while I miss our typical set-up of him in his black leather lazy-boy recliner and me stationed on the couch and/or oriental rug, I am beyond grateful to have him be one phone call away.
Encountering Difficult People
One of my favorite authors, Bob Goff likes to say,
“Love difficult people. You’re one of them.”
In college, I have met the most amazing people. Every day, I am in awe of the kindness, drive, passion, and intelligence demonstrated to me by my peers. It makes me so proud to be part of the Trojan Family. In any beautiful, diverse family, though, there is bound to be an extended relative or two with which we don’t exactly vibe. What then?
A Paradox of Being Human
To say I don’t know who I am is a fallacy. I am creating who I am. There is no version that already exists that I have to discover and then embody. I might not “know” who I am but that’s because I’ve misattributed knowing myself to being an exact science. I don’t know who I am; who we are is not an entity, it is an action. It’s not about knowing who I am, it’s about being me.
Live Like Nobody Is Watching
I previously interpreted the saying “dance like nobody’s watching you” as encouragement to get beyond human feelings of shame or embarrassment. I thought the premise was that we dance differently depending on whether people are watching. I couldn’t get beyond the part that involved people watching me (or not.) I used to think that the saying implies that we have an audience as we encounter these silly little lives of ours. Now, I disagree. I think I lost something vital in my being when I likened life to a live performance.
The Start of Something New
THE BREAKTHROUGH MOMENT OCCURS WHEN YOU STOP VIEWING HAPPINESS AS AN END AND EVERYTHING ELSE AS A MEANS TO IT.
Seeing My Insecurities as a Superpower
Herein lies the superpower in my at-times-insecurity-riddled life: the moment when I got so fed up with playing small that I decided there was nothing to lose and I wanted to CHANGE. The magic of my inner critic is that she led me to a lifestyle in which she no longer occupies center stage.
My Small Rebellion
So, I’m weird. I’m imperfect. I am honest. I contradict myself a bit. I am wrong. I try. That’s all I could ask for. I’m here. This is my act of revolution. And, I’m proud of it.
Floating Through the Impact Zone
I’ve gotten really good at appreciating the still waters, at seeing the beauty in life’s simpler beauties. When it gets tougher, though, that beautiful water gets sandier and cloudier and it’s hard for me to see all the goodness because I’m spending half my time underwater, diving under wave after wave.